This week I came to Kansas City for the Onething 2013 Conference at IHOP-KC. As some of you know I visited back in July for the WiLDER Institute. One of the most life changing experiences I’ve ever had. While I was in Vegas before I left, I felt very dry. As if I was in one of those ‘God where are you?’ seasons. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor as I was packing thinking “God when is this going to stop? I am tired of getting excited for the next big conference or trip or event or visiting of a church in order to get a greater revelation of you, when is this going to end?” Once I got to Kansas City and the conference started, worship and the message just felt very dry to me and this went on for about a day and a half. It wasn’t that there was something wrong with the conference or even the church, as most of you know IHOP-KC is very spirit filled, but it was me.
The next day my friend and I went to the prayer room. Time that was much needed for me. While there I felt the Lord say to me “it’s not a conference, not an event, not a church, not friends, not a movement that will fill you up and bring life to you, it’s only me, I’m all there is” and in that moment my heart was like wow God, I get it. I feel like we hear that all of the time. Jesus is all there is, but in our hearts we still put movements and churches and conferences before Him. The same Jesus we experience at conferences we can experience in our bedrooms with a bible. Earlier this semester I found myself straying from my word. I got to the point where I had the mindset “I don’t really have to read, I’ll like listen to a message or pray in tongues or turn on the prayer room and I’ll be fine” and let me tell you, that is the most dangerous mindset to have! In that moment when your heart shifts as such you set yourself up for deception and you give the enemy a foothold. I’m thinking in my heart that Jesus is at the conference or in these specific places and I have to go there to find him, but it’s not true! He’s here with me right now and forevermore. I can encounter Him and pursue him just by spending time with him and I get more of him in my life by spending time with him as each day passes.
I was talking earlier this week with some friends about “the movement” and not any specific ones but how temporary it is and how Jesus is not a movement but a man. I refuse to become one of those Christians who are sucked into the hype and excitement of a worship band or a movement or a specific church. Only the ones who know Jesus will endure until the end, and I want to endure until the end. It all reminds me of what Jesus says in Matthew 24:35 “Heaven and earth will pass away but my words will never pass away.” and when Jesus says that he’s referring to heaven and earth and everything in it, but Jesus Christ will remain forever, He is the Word (John 1:1). This trip has opened my eyes and made me so thankful. I was not expecting what Jesus has been teaching me about himself but it’s something that is significant and much needed. I’m realizing how much I LOVE Jesus. How much He makes my heart come alive. I could dance, I could go to an amazing church and do amazing things, I could go to a foreign country on a mission trip and risk my life, I could be the smartest, prettiest, richest woman living on the earth today, but apart from God at the end of my life, I will still feel empty and plain inside because only he could bring my heart to life. For most of my time at this conference, I just found myself thanking God over and over again that I know him and he knows me. Of course there is so much more knowing to be done on my part but I still know him and after this conference when I go home, I can open my bible and get to know him even more. I can spend personal time with him. I was thanking him that he’s living, that he’s with me and that he’ll never leave me or forsake me and thanking him that I’m his and He’s mine. ❤